if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
