Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
