Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
