I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
