Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
