Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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