My nipple is on Facebook.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
