absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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