i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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