I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
