Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So here I am, sexting at work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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