Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
