We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
