Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
