holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
