I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
