I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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