i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
