I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
