stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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