Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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