I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
