Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
only you would photoshop your dick
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
