I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
