Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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