it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
