Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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