I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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