The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
