Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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