Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
