I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sober January is a disaster.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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