We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
