I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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