my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pants are for mortals
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
