a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
