You smell like a Billy Joel song
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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