in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
