Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
