I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
