i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The air was thick with penises
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
