Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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