My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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