shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
