Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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