I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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