You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
