Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
