Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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