And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
